Extraordinary New Expletives at Ex Libris


Colourful language was encouraged at this year’s Ex Libris Port Fairy Festival of Words last weekend. More than fifty people entered the Cussing Competition by posting entries in swear
boxes placed around Port Fairy or hurling insults at a dummy Donald Trump at Fiddlers Green.

The competition was judged by linguistics professor, Kate Burridge, with some help from festival coordinator, Kirsty Hawkes. Kate’s talk on the history of swearing was a sell out with standing room only at Blarney Books. Her Antique Oaths Roadshow at the Reardon Theatre on Sunday was also well attended.

Kirsty Hawkes said: “Despite the grand finals we still got a healthy number of cussers. Children were particularly attracted to the Donald Trump figure and directed their abuse at Trump with comments like, grow some real hair you racist bum and wants to control America, can’t control his hair. No doubt their parents would have been proud. The idea was to make up new cuss words and expressions without using the obvious candidates.”

Winners will receive “swear wear” T-shirts kindly donated by Shipwreck Coast Art & Design.

First Prize:
“Worm tongued son of a politician.” – Murray Eccles, Purnim

Second Prize:
“You gelatinous weevil of a man. Stop yer pisswimpling and stick it up your hoary-haired whizzbanger.” – Ros Evans, Warrnambool

Third Prize:
“You fetid trough of last week’s regurgitated goat curd!” – Trish Paige, Warrnambool

Kate Burridge’s Honourable Mention:

“You Ecobulb!” (ecobulb meaning something that takes a while to get going, but once it’s up
and running still doesn’t do a very good job.) – Euan Pennington

Kirsty Hawkes’ Honourable Mentions:

“May a thousand fire ants infest your orifaces!” (anon)

“You flea-ridden fartsack of foul-smelling flatulence.” (Harpy)

“You carrot legged, pumpkin bellied, cauliflower eared, cabbage head – the best place for you is in the garden!” (David Stockdale)

“Sucking Sneeze Stealer” (Helena Purcell)

“Flabble Honking Bad Jagger” (Sailor Claire)

“You sick figmullet friggit. Go suck fabermuck you flysporn, trickhead pitsunk latent blowair.” (Julie Hunt)

“I hope you get porcupines in your pants that spike you all the way up to the moon.” (Charlotte Condon & Indi Moloney)

“The very sight of you offends me, you putrid fustilarian cornswaddler.” (Michaela Hart)

For more information about this year’s festival, contact Kirsty Hawkes, ph 0437 762 508 or email exlibrisportfairy@gmail.com.